Want To Say No, Say No !

SAY NO: EASIER SAID THAN DONE

The old programs some of us might recall like the 'Just Say No' and the 'D.A.R.E' programs were good. Even your parents' voices in your head warning you not to do drugs or get involved in situations out of your control - are all good ideas. But these days, it's a lot easier said than done.

While I can't speak for teenagers and young adults today, I can speak for myself when I was a young pretty woman in the drug and questioned-filled years of my youth. And put me in a rock-band in the middle of a big city...well, I was doomed, wasn't I?

Well...not so fast my friend. My Mom and Dad taught me well...and actually, two things probably kept me out of trouble early in my life, more than anything: the teachings of God; and simply, keeping busy. Really, I didn't have time to get into trouble when I was younger...and even after my college years, I was so busy, I had no time to be mischievous.

When I got married - well, that was a different story. (Read my book.) Like all women are born, I was a virgin, and my new husband was...well, let's just say, he had issues that I wasn't aware of before we walked down the aisle. My intuition told me to say NO, way before that first night. But I was just too ignorant. And scared...and I just didn't know what to do. Confused...idealistic...innocent...and ignorant - I was all of those. So I did what I was told. And by the wrong person...I might add.

I wanted to say NO and get out of what I'd gotten myself into...many times during that first year, but I just couldn't do it. And the only reason I can give...is because I was afraid. I was afraid of being judged. I was afraid of disappointing myself, God, my family, and even my friends. I was afraid that I'd be making a second mistake to right my first mistake. I just wasn't strong enough. Nor emotionally smart enough.

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WHAT DOES IT TAKE?

So what does it take to say NO? I guess it's different for everybody...but for me? Well, it took plain old guts...and a lot of time. I literally had to stop feeling sorry for myself and get myself some good old fashioned backbone. And screw fear! I finally realized that I was worth a lot more than the life I was living. I simply got fed up with the situation and finally got off my mental butt and stood up for myself. For the first time in my life - yes - I stood up for myself. I put myself first. Finally...I said NO. It wasn't easy...and what came afterward wasn't easy either. But it was a start.

So what does it take for you to say NO to something you don't really want to do?

BE READY TO SAY NO

I always tried to please people...my parents, my peers, God, my friends, and my family members. Pleasing all of them pleased me. Or so I thought. Then I grew up a little bit and realized that the only person I have to please...the only person I have to be right with...is me. That revelation changed my life and armed me with everything I needed to say NO when I needed to.

I don't think pleasing myself is selfish. Pleasing myself is actually 'doing the right thing'. I still have that little voice inside my head telling me what's right and what's wrong. Believe me, my conscience is alive and well.

NO IS A LONELY PLACE

One thing I learned very quickly is that when you say NO to someone or some situation, it can be a very lonely place. Friends might step away from you if you take a stand...or leave a party...or abandon a fad or what's cool at the moment.

I guess it's like giving the keys to someone who you know is too drunk to drive. They assure you they're okay to drive...just this once...don't be such a party pooper, right? We've all been there, in one way or another. So, what do you do? Do you go along with the crowd and surrender the keys?...or do you take a stand against all of your feel-good friends, and say NO?

Right now, the answer's pretty obvious, but when you're submerged in the situation, maybe had a glass of wine - right there looking into your smiling friends' eyes - it's not as clear cut as you think. It's called peer pressure. And saying NO is hard. But you just have to have faith sometimes, right? Yes...faith. And well, that's another subject.

So what helps you say NO when confronted with difficult situations?

Where does YOUR confidence and determination come from?